


The Comfort of Her Touch

by CherieoftheDragons (SignCherie)



Series: Saeran [2]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluffy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, New Relationship, Past Brainwashing, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, destructive cults, ray's route spoilers, vague reference to past abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-26 02:19:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13848015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SignCherie/pseuds/CherieoftheDragons
Summary: In his wildest fantasies, in his deepest dreams, Saeran never imagined happiness like this could be real. But insecurity is not so easy to get over, and Saeran has a lot of it. When he accidentally frightens MC, he is overcome with guilt. But their new relationship is not so fragile. MC loves him, and together the two will get through everything.Spoilers for Ray's route. This takes place at the end of day 10 and is inspired by a phone call from the game. MC's name is Charlotte.





	The Comfort of Her Touch

**Author's Note:**

> In preparation for writing Saeran, I have done my best to research Dissociative Identity Disorder, thought control (brainwashing), destructive cults, PTSD, and drug use. It is important to me that I handle these issues with sensitivity and respect. Still, I am human, and I humbly apologize for any mistakes I might make.
> 
> I must thank two wonderful people -- Trulycertain, who has graciously beta'd for me, and Drallak, whose insight made this fic possible.

Saeran was euphoric. In his wildest fantasies, in his deepest dreams, he’d never imagined happiness like this could be real. Every time he thought he couldn’t possibly get happier, Charlotte would do or say something new, and he’d reach a whole new level of bliss. If this went on, his heart might very well explode.

Her small, innocent touches thrilled him to no end. No one had ever wanted to touch him like this, and he craved the contact like a man starved. Her fingers in his, her arm around his waist, her hand on his shoulder… it was as if she needed the comfort of the touch as much as he did. The feel of her skin was a balm to his soul. When he could feel her, he knew that she was real and this wasn’t all an impossible dream.

When she wasn’t beside him, Saeran got anxious. It was irrational, and he knew it, but his nervousness wouldn’t fade. Life had taught him that happiness and love were not for him. With time, he might be able to trust the reality of her, to lose that fear of one day waking to find she was only a dream, but not now, not yet. Right now he needed reassurance again and again that he wasn’t having some kind of wonderful delusion.

When his phone rang, and he realized she’d left his side to go into the kitchen, his immediate reaction was apprehension. But her sweet, playful voice floating through the receiver made him start to feel giddy. “Saeran Choi, I am holding your girlfriend as hostage!” she said cheerfully, and when he called her a cute kidnapper and joked about crashing into the next room to find her, she only giggled with glee. At the end of the call, she asked him to come to her, so he pushed away from the desk and headed for the kitchen, unable to stop smiling. 

With the lights off, he didn’t see her right away, but he heard her giggle again. It was like playing hide and seek, a game Ray loved, and his grin grew even broader. Her tinkling laugh came once more, and he pinpointed the sound as coming from under the table. With a few short strides, he reached it and crouched down. Sure enough, there she was, beaming at him in a way that made his breath catch.

“I found you,” he sing-songed mischievously.

In an instant, her face changed, the smile disappearing as her eyes went wide. Her body shuddered, and she shrank back away from him.

No. Oh no. 

What had he done?

Immediately he recoiled, stumbling backwards until he fell onto his backside. The way he must have sounded, after everything he’d done — god, what was he thinking? He must have terrified her.

Stupid. Insensitive. Wrong.

He put his hands up, palms out in front of his face. “I’m sorry!” he said. “I didn’t mean — oh god. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

At his words, Charlotte’s body relaxed, her shoulders slumping in relief. “It’s okay. Don’t feel bad. It was my fault.”

Horror hit him hard in the gut. “Your fault? You think —” He choked on his words, unable to finish his sentence.

One small hand reached out for him. “I wanted to play a game. I started this. I didn’t think how I might react. Saeran.” She set her mouth in a firm line. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

As her hand got closer, he scrambled backwards until his back hit the wall. “Don’t say that! The things I did — the way I tormented you — and you blame yourself?!” God, this was beyond horrible. How deeply had he hurt her to make her say such a thing? What had his abuse done to her mind? 

What kind of monster was he?

Undeterred, she crawled closer. “Saeran…”

He couldn’t let her touch him now. He didn’t deserve her touch. Dizzily, he pushed himself to standing. “I’m sorry. Charlotte, I’m so, so sorry.”

Choking back a sob, he escaped into the living room as quickly as his feet could carry him.

* * *

 

It was different after that. When she took her seat next to him, he shrank away, and she didn’t reach for him. Despite how badly he wanted to look at her, his eyes stayed fixated on his screen. Her face was too beautiful; he didn’t deserve to see it. She sat there, and he worked, trying hard to forget how horrible he was. Trying, and failing.

Of course she wouldn’t touch him. He was terrifying to her. Even now, after he’d promised never to hurt her again, he hadn’t been able to help it. All his hopes of a happy future became fuzzy in his head. Had he been fooling himself… that he could be loved?

No. It wasn’t too late. He wouldn’t believe all was lost, couldn’t give up on Charlotte. She’d forgiven so much already. If he just gave her space… it had to be possible…

Eventually she got up and left his side, moving to the couch. He wanted to turn and see what she was doing, but his attention might scare her. So he didn’t.

It was an hour before she came back. One hour and three minutes to be exact. She took her seat next to him, and he couldn’t help but tense up. What would she say to him now?  _ Please, don’t let her hate me… _

His typing was interrupted by her hand grabbing his. Immediately, he stilled, closing his eyes, revelling in the feel of her skin on his.

“Did I do something wrong?” she whispered.

Saeran’s eyes snapped open, and he looked at her before he could think. “What?”

“Please, don’t ignore me anymore. I’ve missed you enough these past ten days. I don’t want to miss you when you’re right next to me. Unless—” her voice broke “— I did something wrong? If I did, then please tell me. We can talk it out.”

Her words were a punch in his gut. “I’m ignoring you?”

“Aren’t you?”

“I’m… I’m giving you space.” In opposition to his words, his hand tightened around hers. “You shouldn’t have to touch me. Not after I scared you like that.”

“I  _ need _ you to touch me.” Her other hand reached forward to rest on his knee. “It reminds me that you love me. Saeran, I love you so much. I don’t have the words to tell you how much. These past ten days, I’ve been so scared to lose you. Even now, I can scarcely believe we’re safe. Losing you is more terrifying than anything else I can imagine. Please. Let me touch you.”

Yes. His arms reached for her immediately, wrapping around her waist and pulling her close against his chest. With a small moan, she slid her own arms around his shoulders and pressed her face against his neck. God, yes, this was perfect, it was heaven, right here with an angel in his arms. She fit so well against him. How could someone so perfect fit with  _ him _ ? Did she feel the way he did right now? The overwhelming joy of her closeness, did she share that with him? He felt like he was so full of happiness that he couldn’t possibly contain it all, and at the same time, he ached for more and more and more.

She turned her head, her lips seeking his, and he met them in a kiss that took his breath away. He would never get used to the pleasure of her lips. Did kissing him feel this good to her? Although this wasn’t their first kiss, he still didn’t know what he was supposed to do, how he was supposed to move, but she glided her lips gently over his in a way that made his head spin, and he did his best to copy her. He must have gotten something right, because she made a small noise and slid her fingers into his hair…

Suddenly she was gone from his embrace, and he opened his eyes in a panic. But she’d pulled away only for a moment to move from her seat next to him and climb into his lap. As her arms wrapped around his neck, Saeran breathed a sigh of relief and let his head fall forward, his cheek resting against her chest. This close, he could hear her heart beating. Ba-bum, ba-bum, ba-bum, soft and comforting like he imagined a lullaby would sound. 

Maybe Charlotte would sing him a lullaby one day. He would ask her later. Right now he only wanted to savor her.

Her fingers stroked his hair, sending shivers through his body. Bending her head, she pressed her lips to his forehead. “You didn’t hurt me, Ray. Saeran. It’s going to take time for us to get used to this. But we will.”

His breath came out as a shudder, and he spoke the words he’d been afraid to even think. “I didn’t hurt you  _ this _ time. But what if…”

“No.”

“...what if next time I do?”

Her embrace tightened around him, and he found himself starting to tremble.

“It’s okay, Saeran. Everything’s okay.”

The words were a struggle to get out. “How can it be?”

“Because I know you. I’ve seen the person you really are. You broke free of Mint Eye all on your own. If you can do that, you can do anything. I trust you.”

She trusted him. Still the only person to ever trust him. An angel like her would never choose someone who didn’t deserve it. If she believed in him… there must be something good in him, right?

She believed in him, and so he could believe in himself. With her at his side, he would learn how. Savior — no, Rika, Rika — had denounced psychiatric therapy as harmful and wrong, but Charlotte had shared with him how much it had helped her in the past. His stomach rolled at the thought, and he coughed, but he recognized this as an after-effect of the brainwashing and pushed it aside. For Charlotte, he would get healthy. He’d make himself the person she saw in him, become the person she deserved.

For the first time in his life, he believed it was possible.

“I won’t betray your trust,” he whispered. “I’ll make sure of it. My angel, I’ll protect you with everything I am.”

“And I’ll protect you.”

They sat there for too long, basking in each other’s embrace, but they couldn’t hold each other forever, not when Saeyoung needed him. Reluctantly they pulled apart. Charlotte resumed her seat next to him and picked up her phone to occupy herself, but this time, she kept one hand on his knee, and he let himself relax into the comfort of her touch once more.

She was here. She was with him. She was real. 

He would let himself trust that.


End file.
